SLAA Guide: Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous Explained

What Is SLAA?

SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous) is a 12-step fellowship for people whose sexual or romantic behaviour has become unmanageable. Founded in 1976, it follows the same principles as Alcoholics Anonymous but addresses compulsive sexual and romantic patterns.

SLAA specifically addresses both:

• Sex addiction: Compulsive sexual behaviour causing life problems
• Love addiction: Compulsive patterns in romantic relationships

This dual focus distinguishes SLAA from other sex addiction recovery programs.

The fellowship is:
- Free to attend
- Anonymous
- Peer-supported (no professionals run meetings)
- Available worldwide
- Not affiliated with any religion (though spiritually-oriented)

SLAA vs. SAA: Key Differences

Two major 12-step programs address sexual behaviour issues. Understanding the differences helps you choose:

SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous)

Scope:
- Sexual addiction AND love/relationship addiction
- Romance, fantasy, and intrigue patterns
- Codependency and attachment issues
- Broader than just sexual behaviour

Philosophy:
- Recognises the "love addict" pattern
- Addresses romantic obsession alongside sexual compulsion
- Focuses on emotional sobriety as well as behavioural

May suit you if:
- Your primary struggle involves romantic relationships
- You experience love addiction or fantasy patterns
- You have codependency issues
- Your sexual behaviour is tied to relationship patterns

SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous)

Scope:
- Specifically sexual addiction
- Focuses on sexual behaviour, not romantic patterns
- More behaviourally focused

Philosophy:
- Uses "three circles" model (inner/middle/outer behaviours)
- Clear behavioural definitions of sobriety
- Less focus on emotional/romantic patterns

May suit you if:
- Your primary struggle is sexual behaviour itself
- You want clear behavioural boundaries
- Romantic addiction isn't your main issue
- You prefer concrete definitions of sobriety

Can You Attend Both?

Yes. Many people attend both SLAA and SAA meetings, finding different benefits in each. There's no requirement to choose just one.

The 12 Steps of SLAA

SLAA adapts AA's 12 steps for sex and love addiction:

1. Admitted we were powerless over sex and love addiction—that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with a Power greater than ourselves, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to sex and love addicts and to practice these principles in all areas of our lives.

The "God" Language

Many people struggle with the spiritual language. SLAA allows flexible interpretation:

• "Higher Power" can be the group itself, nature, universe, or traditional God
• Atheists and agnostics participate successfully
• "Spiritual" doesn't require religious belief
• Focus is on recognising limits of self-will and finding support beyond yourself

Who SLAA Is For

SLAA welcomes anyone who identifies with its purpose. Common patterns include:

Sexual Addiction Patterns

• Compulsive pornography use
• Serial sexual encounters
• Affairs despite committed relationships
• Using sex to cope with emotions
• Sexual behaviour despite consequences

Love Addiction Patterns

• Obsessive attachment to unavailable partners
• Serial relationships with little time alone
• Inability to end harmful relationships
• Fantasy-based romantic patterns
• Using relationships to regulate emotions

Fantasy and Intrigue Patterns

• Living in romantic fantasy rather than reality
• Constantly seeking intensity in relationships
• Creating drama to feel alive
• Obsessive thinking about potential partners
• Flirtation and intrigue even without physical acting out

Anorexia Patterns

SLAA also recognises "sexual anorexia" or "social anorexia":
- Compulsive avoidance of sexual or romantic connection
- Using isolation as a way to feel safe
- Hiding from intimacy

All patterns are welcome in SLAA.

What to Expect at a Meeting

Meeting Structure

Typical SLAA meetings include:

Opening (5-10 minutes):
- Welcome and introductions
- Reading of SLAA preamble
- Reading of the 12 steps

Main content (30-45 minutes):
- Speaker sharing their experience
- Discussion of a step or topic
- Open sharing from participants

Closing (5-10 minutes):
- Announcements
- Closing prayer or reading (typically the Serenity Prayer)
- Opportunity to connect after

Meeting Types

Open meetings: Anyone can attend, including those just curious

Closed meetings: Only those who identify as sex and love addicts

Speaker meetings: One person shares their story at length

Discussion meetings: Topic-based discussion with group participation

Step meetings: Focus on one of the 12 steps

Book study: Working through SLAA literature together

Your First Meeting

What to know:

• You don't have to share if you don't want to
• Introduce yourself by first name only (anonymity protected)
• "I'm [name], and I'm a sex and love addict" is the typical introduction
• Meetings are confidential—what's shared stays there
• No one will pressure or judge you
• You can leave at any time

Many people attend several meetings before feeling comfortable.

Finding SLAA Meetings

In-Person Meetings

Website: slaafws.org (SLAA Fellowship-Wide Services)
- Meeting locator by city/region
- Instructions for finding local meetings

Major cities: Usually have multiple meeting options
Smaller areas: May have fewer options; online meetings help

Online Meetings

SLAA offers extensive online meeting options:
- Video meetings (Zoom format)
- Phone meetings
- Chat-based meetings
- Various time zones covered
- Same format as in-person meetings

Online meetings provide access regardless of location.

Finding the Right Meeting

Not every meeting will feel right. Consider:
- Trying several different meetings
- Different meeting types (speaker vs. discussion)
- Gender-specific meetings if available
- Meetings focused on your specific patterns

Many people try 5-6 meetings before finding their regular group.

SLAA as Part of Recovery

SLAA works best as one component of comprehensive recovery:

Strengths of SLAA

• Free and accessible
• Community support: Others who understand your struggle
• Accountability: Regular attendance creates structure
• Proven framework: 12-step model has decades of success
• Available long-term: You can attend as long as needed
• Peer support: Sponsors who've walked the path

Limitations of SLAA

• Not professional treatment: Doesn't replace therapy for trauma, mental health conditions, or severe addiction
• Spiritual focus: May not suit everyone
• Variable meeting quality: Experience differs by group
• No credentialing: Fellow members, not trained professionals
• One-size approach: 12 steps don't fit everyone equally

Combining SLAA with Therapy

The most effective approach for many people:

Therapy provides:
- Professional assessment
- Trauma processing
- Treatment for underlying conditions
- Personalised treatment planning
- Credentials and accountability

SLAA provides:
- Daily support between sessions
- Peer connection
- Long-term maintenance
- Free, unlimited access
- Community of understanding

These approaches complement rather than replace each other.

Getting Started

If you're considering SLAA:

1. Find meetings: Use slaafws.org to locate meetings near you or online
2. Attend: Go to several meetings with an open mind
3. Listen: You don't have to share or commit initially
4. Consider a sponsor: Someone who guides you through the steps
5. Work the steps: Engage with the program, not just attend
6. Combine with professional help: Consider therapy alongside SLAA

Many people find SLAA life-changing. Even those sceptical of 12-step programs often discover value in the community and structure.

Need Immediate Support?

If this article has raised urgent concerns for you or someone you know, support is available 24/7:
- Lifeline: 13 11 14 (24/7)
- Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636
- Emergency: 000

Related Resources

• SAA: Sex Addicts Anonymous Guide
• Love Addiction: Signs and Recovery
• Sex Addiction: Understanding the Problem

SLAA provides valuable peer support, but works best alongside professional treatment. Contact us to discuss how therapy can complement your 12-step recovery.