Stress That Doesn't Switch Off
Most people who come to me for stress aren't falling apart. They're functioning. Often impressively. From the outside, they look like they're handling everything.
But there's a cost that doesn't show on the surface:
Always On
Your mind keeps running even when there's nothing to solve. Evenings, weekends, holidays—you can't fully switch off.
Sleep That Doesn't Refresh
You're tired but wired. Sleep is light, broken, or you wake up still exhausted. Rest isn't restoring you.
Shorter Fuse
Irritability is creeping up. Patience is running thin. Small things that shouldn't bother you are starting to.
Diminishing Returns
Work takes more effort for the same output. Focus gets scattered. You're working harder but feeling less effective.
Transactional Relationships
Connection gets squeezed out. Conversations become logistics. You're present physically but not really there.
Coping Crutches
You're relying more on alcohol, screens, food, or avoidance to decompress. The crutches are getting heavier.
You might be holding it together on the outside. But how much of your energy is going toward managing the inside?
Here's what's important to understand: chronic stress isn't a character flaw or a failure of willpower. It's a system under load. And systems under load behave predictably—which means they can be recalibrated.
Why Stress Gets Stuck
Stress itself isn't the problem. Your nervous system is designed to handle pressure—that's the whole point of the stress response. The problem is when the system stops coming back down. When pressure becomes your baseline rather than a temporary state.
This usually happens through a predictable combination:
Load Too High
Demands, responsibilities, deadlines, conflicts, uncertainty. More coming in than you can process.
Recovery Too Low
Insufficient sleep, no real downtime, boundaries that leak. The tank never refills.
Internal Amplifiers
Perfectionism, self-criticism, threat forecasting, rumination. Your mind adds fuel to external fires.
Narrow Coping
Avoidance, over-control, numbing, procrastination. Short-term relief that maintains long-term load.
This doesn't mean we ignore your external situation. Often the work IS about improving how you handle your boss, communicate with your partner, or set boundaries at work. But here's what most approaches miss: if your nervous system is running hot, you won't have access to the clarity, patience, or flexibility those conversations require. We work on both—the regulation that gives you capacity, AND the relational skills that change the situations themselves.
Why Thinking Your Way Out Doesn't Work
High-functioning people instinctively reach for cognitive solutions. It's your strength—you're good at thinking, analysing, problem-solving. So when stress hits, that's where you start.
But here's the problem: if the variables causing your stress can't be resolved in the short term, you're essentially boiling alive while trying to think your way to a cooler temperature. And stress exists on a continuum—when you're near the top of it, your cognitive capacity is already compromised. You can't think as clearly as usual. Which makes you lose confidence in your thinking. Which adds more stress. The spiral begins.
The intervention hierarchy needs to be reversed. Physiological first—calming your nervous system so your brain can work properly. Emotional second—processing what's accumulated. Cognitive last—only then do we restructure thought patterns. Most people have it backwards because they lead with their strength rather than what the situation requires.
The Internal Amplifiers
External pressure is often the trigger, but internal patterns are frequently what keeps stress elevated. Perfectionism that won't let anything be "good enough." People-pleasing that makes every request feel urgent. Lack of boundaries that means you absorb problems that aren't yours. Catastrophising that treats every challenge as a crisis. These aren't flaws—they're usually strategies that made sense once. But they may be amplifying your load now.
Common Patterns I See
Stress presentations vary, but certain patterns show up repeatedly in high-functioning people:
| The Pattern | What Therapy Targets |
|---|---|
| Perfectionism | The higher you aim, the more often you'll fall short—that's the cost of ambition. The work isn't lowering your standards. It's building a softer landing for when you miss. |
| Over-responsibility | Recognising what's actually yours to carry. Letting others own their problems. |
| Boundary Leakage | Building fences that hold. Saying no without guilt spirals. Protecting recovery time. |
| Conflict Avoidance | Tolerating short-term discomfort to prevent long-term resentment accumulation. |
| Recovery Neglect | Making rest non-negotiable. Exercise and recovery aren't time costs—they're investments that increase capacity. Thirty minutes of exercise often yields two hours of additional productivity. You're growing the pie, not slicing it thinner. |
| Threat Forecasting | Responding to what's actually happening, not worst-case projections. |
If you're not sure which patterns apply to you, that's normal. Part of the work is mapping your specific stress system precisely.
What We Actually Do in Sessions
This isn't open-ended "talking about your week." It's a structured process aimed at measurable change. And the sequence matters—we work bottom-up, not top-down.
Map Your Stress System
Your specific triggers, load sources, internal amplifiers, and coping patterns. We need to understand exactly how your stress operates before we can change it.
Physiological Regulation First
Before we touch thoughts or beliefs, we get your nervous system off high alert. Techniques that actually work under pressure—not just when you're calm. You can't think clearly when your body is in survival mode, so we start here.
Emotional Processing
What's accumulated that hasn't been dealt with? Frustration, resentment, grief, fear. These don't disappear when ignored—they add to the load. We clear the backlog.
Then Cognitive Work
Only now do we address perfectionism, catastrophising, rumination, and the thought patterns that amplify external fires. Your brain works better at this point—which is why we wait.
Restructure Load and Recovery
Practical changes to boundaries, communication, delegation, and routines. Sustainable adjustments, not life overhauls.
Burnout Prevention
Recognising the drift early. Building systems that catch problems before they become crises.
You'll leave sessions with clarity and a plan—because insight without behaviour change is just expensive self-awareness.
What Actually Changes
The goal isn't to become someone who never feels pressure. That's not how humans work, and it's not how effective people work. The goal is to restore your capacity—so pressure doesn't dictate your mood, health, and choices.
People who do this work well typically notice:
- Genuine ability to switch off. Rest that actually restores.
- Better sleep quality and more energy during the day.
- Shorter recovery time after high-pressure periods.
- Less irritability. More patience and presence with people who matter.
- Clearer boundaries and fewer resentful "yeses."
- Decisions based on priority, not panic.
- The capacity to handle pressure without it handling you.
This doesn't happen overnight. It happens through deliberate work, usually over weeks to months. But it does happen—I've seen it hundreds of times.
Why You Might Not Notice Improvement at First
There's something I warn clients about: everything above the stress threshold feels the same. If you're at an 8 out of 10 and drop to a 6, you might still feel stressed—because you're still above your threshold. You won't notice the improvement until you come below it. This trips people up. They're making real progress but can't feel it yet. Part of my job is tracking objective markers so we know change is happening even when it doesn't feel like it.
Common Questions
They overlap but have different centres. Stress is typically load and pressure—too much coming in, not enough recovery. Anxiety is threat anticipation—your mind scanning for danger, often about things that haven't happened. Burnout is prolonged strain leading to exhaustion, cynicism, and reduced effectiveness. Therapy clarifies which pattern is primary for you and targets the maintaining factors.
It depends on the pattern. Some people see meaningful shifts in a focused block of 6-10 sessions when the issues are clear and changes are implementable. Longer-standing patterns—especially those tangled with perfectionism, chronic conflict avoidance, or poor sleep—can take longer. We work in a structured way so you can track what's actually changing.
Functioning and thriving are different things. Many people seek help not because they're falling apart, but because they can feel the trajectory. The cost is accumulating. Addressing stress before it becomes burnout or health problems is usually much more efficient than waiting until crisis.
Usually not. Most people don't need to quit their jobs or overhaul everything. They need targeted adjustments—better boundaries, different recovery patterns, changed internal rules—that create disproportionate improvements. Sustainable change beats dramatic gestures.
Yes. With a Mental Health Care Plan from your GP, you can access Medicare rebates for up to 10 sessions per calendar year. Most private health funds also provide rebates depending on your level of cover.
Cammeray, on Sydney's Lower North Shore. Easy access from the North Shore, Northern Beaches, and CBD.
Quick Self-Assessment
Rate how often you've felt or thought this way during the last month. This takes about 2-3 minutes.
Important: This scale measures your perception of stress, not objective stressors. Perceived stress can be influenced by coping resources, personality, and circumstances. If you're struggling with stress, professional support can provide personalised strategies.
Ready to Restore Your Capacity?
If you can feel the cost accumulating, let's talk about what sustainable change might look like for you.
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